Sunday, November 1, 2009

Equal Treatment of Children


It is obligatory for a father to treat all his children equally especially in the matter of giving gifts. Accordingly, he is prohibited from bestowing more favors on some of his children than on others without any necessity or valid reason, since this will produce jealousy and may even arouse enmity and hatred among them. This applies equally to the mother. The Prophet (peace be on him) said, 'Do justice among your sons,' and repeated it thrice. (Reported by Muslim, Ahmad, and Abu Daoud)
The story behind this hadith is that the wife of Bashir bin Sa'd al-Ansari requested her husband to give a gift of a garden or a slave to her son, al-Nu'man bin Bashir. She asked Bashir to go to the Prophet (peace be on him) and request him to be a witness. Bashir went to him, saying, "The daughter of such and such—meaning his wife—has asked me to give a slave to her son." "Does he have brothers?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked. "Yes," he replied. "Did you give the same to each of them?" inquired the Prophet (peace be on him). "No," said Bashir. The Prophet (peace be on him) then said, "This is not correct, and I can never bear witness to other than what is just." (Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih.)
Some other ahadith in this regard are as follows: Do not ask me to be a witness to injustice. Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you. (Reported by Abu Daoud) "Fear Allah and treat your children with equal justice." (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal said that preferential treatment of a child is permitted if he or she is handicapped while others are not. (In Al-Mughni, vol. 5, p. 605, it is stated that special treatment of a child is permissible due to a need, a handicap, blindness, his or her being from a large family, being engaged in studies, or something of the sort, as it is aIso permitted to withhold from a child who would spend what he is given on sinful or wicked things.)

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