Sayings of Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (Rahmatullahi alaih)
1. Before shutting the door at night, make certain that no cat or dog is left in the house. Sometimes they can harm a person at night. Even if they do not cause any harm, they make a din all night and prevent you from sleeping.
2. Occasionally place your clothing and books out in the sunlight.
3. Keep the house clean and tidy.
4. Do not make yourself accustomed to leisure if you desire good health. Do some manual work. The best manual task for women is to use the hand-mill (to grind flour). It keeps the body healthy.
5. When going to meet someone do not sit for too long nor converse at length. This may frustrate or disturb her in her work.
6. All the family members should be particular in fixing a place for everything. This will prevent time being wasted when the object is required.
7. Do not place a bed, chair, utensil, brick, stone or slab on the way. This can injure someone who accidently knocks it, especially in the dark.
8. When anyone tells you to do something, reply immediately either in the affirmative or in the negative so that he/she knows whether you are going to do the task or not.
9. Sprinkle less salt on the food, because if there is less it can always be remedied but if there is an excess it is difficult to correct.
10. Do not cut chillies and place them in daal or vegetable curry. Grind them instead, because by cutting, the seed remains in the pieces. If any piece comes in the mouth, it burns severely.
11. If you happen to drink water at night, look carefully into the utensil and if there is no light, place a cloth etc. over it before drinking so that no particles go in the mouth.
12. Do not throw a child up in the air jokingly nor let him hang out of the window. This can seriously injure the child.
13. When a utensil is emptied always wash it and place it upside down. When you want to use it again, wash it first.
14. After placing a utensil on the ground when dishing food into it, do not place it on the table or daster khwan without first wiping the bottom.
15. If you are visiting someone at his/her house do not ask for anything. It may be insignificant but it can be embarrassing if the person does not have the required item.
16. Do not spit or clean your nose where other people are sitting. If there is a need, excuse yourself and go to one side.
17. Whilst partaking of meals do not mention something which can offend the listener and make him feel uncomfortable.
18. Do not mention anything in front of a sick person or his family that make them lose hope in his life. He will be heartbroken. Comfort him by saying that Insha-Allah your illness will soon be cured.
19. If you want to mention something about a person while he is also present then do not indicate to him by winking or by gestures. He will unnecessarily be placed in doubt. This can only be done if the statement is permissible in Shariat, otherwise if it is unlawful then to make such a statement will be sinful.
20. Do not gesticulate too much when speaking.
21. Do not clean your nose with your dress or sleeve.
22. Do not cleanse yourself where there is urine and stool. Move one step away to purify yourself.
23. Always dust your shoes before wearing them. There can be a harmful creature inside. Similarly dust your clothes and bed as well.
24. If a woman has a boil on her private part do not ask her where it is as this can be embarrassing.
25. Do not sit in a place where people are moving about. This causes unnecessary obstruction.
26. Do not let any smell arise on the body or clothing. If you do not have a clean pair of clothes, wash the one you are wearing and take a bath.
27. Do not sweep where people are sitting.
28. Do not throw pits and peels on anyone nor on the road.
29. Do not play with a knife, scissors, needle or any sharp instrument. You may be careless and hurt yourself.
30. If any visitor comes from a distant place ask him if he wants to relieve himself and direct him to the toilet. Do not try to prepare a lavish meal as this will be time consuming. Prepare a simple meal so that he can partake of it immediately. When he intends departing, arrange his breakfast early. In short there should be no disturbance in his comfort and need.
31. Do not emerge from the bathroom or toilet tying your clothing on the back, rather wear the clothing properly inside.
32. If someone asks you something, first answer him and then proceed with other work.
33. Whenever you say anything or answer anyone, open your mouth properly and speak clearly so that the next person understands what you are saying.
34. If you have to give someone something, do not throw it from far. Damage will be caused if the other person does not hold it. Give it from close by.
35. One should not speak or scream between two persons that are teaching and learning or conversing.
36. If someone is involved in some work or conversation, do not go and begin speaking with him immediately. Wait for an opportunity and only begin speaking when he turns his attention towards you.
37. When giving anyone something, do not remove your hands until the person has held it properly. Sometimes due to a slight negligence, damage is caused.
38. When eating, gather the bones in one place. Similarly do not spread peels etc. of anything all around. When all are gathered, place them on one side.
39. Do not run or put your head up when walking. You may fall.
40. Close a book carefully. Very often the first and last pages get folded.
41. Do not praise a (ghair mahram) man in front of your husband. Some men get highly offended.
42. Similarly do not praise other women in front of your husband. He may become inclined to her and leave you.
43. Do not ask someone about her home, wealth, jewellery and clothing when meeting her if you are not closely associated to her.
44. Specify 3 or 4 days a month for cleaning the entire house. Remove all webs, lift the mats, sweep under them and put everything in its place.
45. You should not take a written note or book away from in front of someone to read it yourself. It may contain something personal which is not meant for you.
46. Be very careful when ascending and descending steps. It is better if you place your one foot on the steps, then place the other one on the same step as well. Then advance to the next step in a like manner. It is not suitable for girls and ladies to have one foot on one step and another on another step. Prevent the children also in their infancy.
47. Do not dust your clothing or a book where someone is sitting in such a manner that dust falls on him. Similarly you should not blow with your mouth or dust with a cloth but instead you should go further away and dust it.
48. On hearing news about someones grief, worry or sickness do not mention it to anyone unless you have made certain. His relatives especially should not be told, because if the information is wrong, it will unnecessarily worry other people.
49. Similarly do not inform distant relatives if there is a slight illness as this may cause unnecessary concern and anxiety.
50. Do not spit or put paan (betel-leaf) on the wall. Similarly do not merely wipe your hands on the wall or door. Wash them instead.
51. If there is need for more food on the table, do not take a utensil from in front of someone. Instead, take the food in another dish.
52. If someone is sitting on the bed or lying down, do not call him. If you pass by, walk in such a manner that you do not bump the bed. If you want to put something on that bed or take something, do so quietly.
53. Do not leave food uncovered. Even if you leave something on the table that is going to be eaten last, cover it also.
54. The visitor should leave a little food on the table if he is satisfied so that the host does not get the impression that the food was less and thereby feel ashamed.
55. Whichever utensil is completely empty and has to be put in the cupboard or unit should be placed upside down.
56. When walking, lift your foot completely and step forward. Do not drag your feet. Apart from wearing out the shoe, it also looks unmannerly.
57. Always be careful that a portion of the scarf or shawl does not hang on the ground.
58. If someone asks for salt or for some other food, bring it in a utensil, not in the hand.
59. Do not speak of shameless things in front of girls as this can make them lose their modesty. FAULTS WOMEN SHOULD REFRAIN FROM
1. They do not give a logical answer which can satisfy the questioner. They add many unnecessary points and the actual answer is still not known. Always remember that if anyone asks a question, fully understand what is being said and then reply accordingly.
2. When women are given some work, they listen and keep quiet. This leaves the speaker in doubt because he does not know whether the answer is in the affirmative or in the negative. In this manner the task remains undone.
3. Women normally scream when giving the maid a task to perform or tell anyone something. There are two evils in this: One is shamelessness and lack of concealment (pardah) because the sound reaches outside. The second evil is that the message is not understood and the work remains undone.
4. Women generally waste money in useless avenues even if they have to take a loan. It is sinful to waste. Whenever you intend spending, first examine whether there is any deeni benefit or any worldly need. After thoroughly pondering, if there is a need and a benefit, go ahead and spend. As far as possible avoid taking debts even if you have to undergo a little hardship.
5. Always be punctual especially when travelling. Do not delay unnecessarily.
6. Do not take too many things on a journey. This restricts the space. The greatest problem is for the accompanying men who have to look after everything. In certain places they have to carry the things and certain places they have to pay the transport costs. Take similar precautions on a train-journey because the more provisions you take, the more problems will arise.
7. Upon reaching a place, women should not descend from the car immediately. First send a male to find out if there is anyone and inform them of your arrival. If there is any male he will separate himself. When you are informed that there is no male in the house, you can enter.
8. When two women are conversing, it often happens that one begins to speak while the other has not as yet finished speaking. In fact it occurs very often that both start speaking together. Neither of them listen to the other. What benefit is there in speaking in such a manner?
9. Women keep jewellery or money carelessly under the pillow or open in some corner even though they have the means to protect it in a safe place.
10. Sometimes you send a woman for some work and she goes and begins something else. She returns after having completed both tasks. The person who sent her is confronted with extreme anxiety and doubt because he has estimated that the work will take a certain amount of time and when that time passes by, he begins to get worried. In the meanwhile the woman thinks to herself that there is no harm in doing both errands simultaneously. Do not do so. First complete the initial task thereby honouring his request and thereafter tackle your other work at ease.
11. A common defect is of laziness and procrastination i.e. to leave work for later. Most often harm is caused.
12. There is no brevity in the nature of some women and a woman does not realise that the situation requires haste. Therefore the task has to be done as quickly as possible. Sometimes the actual work is spoilt and the opportunity lost.
13. If something is lost, women normally accuse without investigating. Do not become suspicious on the slightest of doubts.
14. Too much money is spent on purchasing betel leaf (paan) and tobacco. At least five or six poor people can be fed with that money. By eating paan unnecessarily, one becomes addicted.
15. If there are two people speaking about some matter, do not unnecessarily meddle. As long as you are not asked for your advice, remain silent.
16. After returning from a gathering do not describe the form, clothing and jewellery of other women to your husband. This may incline his heart to one of them ultimately resulting in anguish.
17. Do not interrupt someone who is engaged in some work. This is a loathsome habit. Wait until he finishes his task and then address him.
18. Always speak properly so that you are understood. Sometimes due to not understanding the message correctly, animosity is created between two people.
19. Listen with full attention when you are spoken to. Do not do something else or begin to speak to someone else.
20. Admit your faults and do not make feeble excuses.
21. Do not criticize any small or insignificant present which is given to you by saying, "what was the need to send such a present? Did the sender not have any shame in sending it?" This is an evil habit. The sender could only afford that much. Appreciate it and be grateful.
22. Do not hesitate in doing a task which is assigned to you.
23. Do not stitch clothes while you are wearing them.
24. At the time of arrival and departure, women attempt to cry even if they have to force themselves because they fear that if they do not shed a few tears people will say they are bereft of love.
25. Do not carelessly leave a needle in the pillow as it can prick someone.
26. Always protect the children from heat and cold as neglect in this regard results in illness.
27. Do not feed the children when they are not hungry nor insist on feeding the visitors.
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